you don't understand

I don't know what i'm actually waiting for. For you to change your mind and accept me? For you to start even noticing me? For you to began to enjoy my presence? I don't know already dude, its so tiring doing this all over again. I know you don't mean it, but the pain inflicted on me is too much. I cannot take it anymore. I mean everytime i see your name, well, my heart skips a beat and i literally smile. I cannot take all this shit anymore. I need to stop expecting anything from you. What have i done to deserve this? I know you're still attached to your past, but like you've told me once, "move on"! You will not be happy unless you step out of the ugly past. Okay maybe its beautiful, wonderful, all you can ever ask for. But i really really hope you can come to your senses. I know you'll just tell me to stfu and stop pestering you. Okay if that's what you want, i'll grant you your wish. Imma stop hoping for nothing to happen. Cos its so impossible and i'm tired of it already. I wish you all the best and on top of all that, stop dismissing me off like a fly. I deserve better dude.