ahhhhhhhhhhh ! wth happen to me. i stared at the tv for 5 hours straight last night, thinking abt nothing. until daddy came and ask me what i was doing .. i told him .. no lah, i watching, suddenly think of smt mah .. and he walked away. its so hilarious, i thought you left me, and you thought i left you. i thought you left me bleeding, but you thought i left you bleeding. *liangbaijushang* i didn't wanted to inflict the pain you inflicted on me, but i didn't know that you were already sad, already in pain, already hurt. im left with my body only. maybe i have already gave her my everyth ? maybe i have already given her my heart. even if Alonso comes to singapore, shake hand, take pic and kiss me also cannot cheer me up. i dunno why, when i read her blog. i felt that everyth was my fault. and not hers. if last time, i hadn't been that close to her, now .. she wouldn't be in pain, right ? so its super duper majorly my fault. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ! and she blames herself. doesn't that make me feel even worse. ugh, i took super duper long to type this. blister hurting like crazy. typing with one finger. -.- last night the whole blister suddenly alot of water come out, also dunno what .. i dont know what position i stand in you heart. but definitely, you were one of the most important person in my heart . maybe i dotn mean anything to you. but actually you do mean alot to me .. i asked myself .. just three more weeks. can i pretend for just three weeks ? i'll try .. i finally understand why ppl fake smiles. and why fake smiles are usually easier than real smiles. Its so easy. even if you are dying on the inside, you want ppl to see the happy side of you. and not the crying, paining and hurting side. you dont want them to frown or be sad just because of you. ive not been through anything like this. count it as a major lesson .. haiz .